What I Did Last Weekend, by Nicole A.

Friday night I went to my friend Yasmine's birthday party at a place called R Bar. Yasmine wore a shiny red satin dress and the whole place had red walls and red lighting so she really managed to pick the correct look to be the belle of the ball. I have this one favorite DJ in the city, Baby Blue, I have loved his work for years and years...he is the KING of Mash-Up and really does it well and picks the best songs to blend...it seems like whenever I go into a random bar these days (Tribe, R Bar) this guy comes running in with a case of records. Lucky me, he always brings it!!! Meg accompanied me to the party and told me a bunch of stories about videotapes she'd made in the seventh grade about Hair Growth Products and Grey Poupon, all acted out with a strong Long Island accent, that she recently found during her mother's move. I laughed and laughed. I cannot wait to see these vids. Anyway, R Bar has stripper poles. You wouldn't catch me on one of those, I am simply too dignified, or too old, and so I left the party before all the young hussies and gay mens at the party started climbing up on them.
Saturday I went to a very eclecticly populated party for the Preakness in the Upper West Side. Uopn walking into the eclecticly decorated apartment, I noticed right away that their kitchen was painted the exact same color I just painted mine like a week ago, so i felt at home. There were many teenage girls at this party. I liked them all and preferred to hang out with them as opposed to the other guests, but I have lost the plot on what they are supposed to look like, act like and be into at certain ages. One of them, 2 years short of a black belt, actually spoke down to me in our conversation. Others, about to begin high school, played Miss Mary Mac and Rockin' Robin. The one who looked the oldest and was the most, um, developed, was the youngest, entering seventh grade. The others had been testing to get into NYC's smartest public high schools, but spent the party coloring on their cell phones with a blue sharpie. I was mesmerized and lurked near them the entire time. Meanwhile, my friend Jill placed a bet on my behalf, choosing a horse for me on instinct. She chose Circular Quay, I have NO idea why, and that fantastic filly was dead last the entire time. Wonderful. When I saw that there was a horse named Flying First Class, I asked her why she didn't pick that one and she said it hadn't occurred to her. Love that. First Class and Nicole- not synonymous. The winning horse, Curlin, won by the proverbial nose. One of the party guests, called T-Ray, with a red face and red wavy mullet, and a voice that oughta be in commercials, showed up at the party with two middle-aged Florida looking womenfolk who he had just recruited from Coyote Ugly. One of them was wearing her brand new Coyote Ugly red wife-beater and it looked like when she took off her original top she took off her bra too, because her coyotes were howling. They probably expected some biker fun, based on the appearance and demeanor of T-Ray, so they split not long after their arrival. T was my other favorite party guest. He put a lot of effort into slicing strawberries, cutting up steak, talking in that voice of his, and discussing motorcycles with me. He likes Triumph and Moto Guzzi, as do I. Then he fell asleep on the sofa, arms crossed over his big steak filled belly. Adorable. I went home not long after and took it easy, Lord knows, I ate Sugar Babies at this party! Must sleep it off!
Sunday I simply cannot recall right now. I assume there was cooking and cleaning and I know there was Sopranos, which I actually cried out to at certain scenes involving A.J. Does anyone want to watch the finale with me? I need someone to clutch.

Nicole